


Just Curious

by sincerelymendacious



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: J.T.'s repressed feelings, M/M, discussions of kissing, friends to boyfriends, he likes Chops, start of romance, this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 18:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18211712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelymendacious/pseuds/sincerelymendacious
Summary: Chops has a question for J.T.





	Just Curious

"So," Chops began right before he and J.T. were about to start their early-morning jam session.

J.T. waited a moment for Chops to continue and then offered up his own 'so' before bringing his harmonica up to his lips when nothing further was said. They were at their usual bench, the branches up above them swaying gently in the breeze, little spots of sunlight dancing on the path before them. It was only a bit past seven, so the area was deserted and likely to remain that way for a few hours more. J.T. liked that- having an audience was nice and all, but he valued his time alone with his main hombre, especially after having been deprived of it for an extended period earlier in the summer.

He played a short folksy tune on his harmonica for a few moments before noticing that Chops hadn't joined in. This was unusual, as they normally began playing within seconds of each other, falling into harmony with ease. Phoebe Love had once told him that it was because they shared a strong psychic connection that allowed them to play in sync even when they were both free-styling, something that she and Quentin were able to do from time to time. The fact that Chops had shifted from their usual routine made an automatic worry flare up and J.T. stopped playing, looking at this friend with concern. "Something wrong, pardner?"

"Oh, um…" Chops looked down at this guitar, tapping nervously on its wooden body. "Nothing's wrong, man, I just…" Two dark red spots appeared on his cheeks, and he let out a short, self-deprecating laugh. "I was just wondering about something, that's all."

J.T. swallowed, glad that Chops wasn't looking at him and thus couldn't see his own suddenly flushed face. He couldn't help but think that Chops looked particularly fetching with that blush and the small, shy smile on his lips. Add to that the way the sunlight filtered through the trees and hit his face just right…it was a miracle that J.T. was able to collect himself enough to squeak out a reply. "What's on your mind?" he asked, inwardly cringing at the way his voice cracked on the last word.

Chops shrugged. "It's dumb," he said, pinching a tuning peg between his thumb and forefinger.

J.T. frowned. "It ain't dumb if it's been buggin' you." He reached out and gave Chops' shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You can tell me anything, you know? I'm always willin' to lend an ear, even you think it's stupid." He smiled and let his hand fall away.

Chops smiled back. "Well, I wouldn't say it's something that's been bothering me. More like it's something I'm curious about." His flush became even deeper, and he plucked a cord, as though the resulting note would drive away his embarrassment. "But like I said, it's stupid."

"Shoot, it ain't like I can judge you," J.T. said with a chuckle, "what with how much of a beef-head I've been this summer." He repressed a shudder as memories of his time as James Theodore, beau of Elka Doom, came to his mind. Thank heavens he'd come to his senses and broke things off before they got hitched or something. Well, okay, maybe he hadn't technically broken up with her- she had run back to her old boyfriend before he could gather up enough gumption to so- but they weren't together anymore, and J.T. figured that was the important thing.

Chops hesitated, his mouth hanging open like it was poised to say something, and then turned his head up, suddenly interested in the blue birds that had alighted on the branches above them. "Actually," he said quietly, his eyes tracking the birds as they flitted from bough to bough. "That's sort of what I was curious about."

"Oh." J.T. wasn't sure how to respond. Apart from the obligatory 'can you forgive me for being such a dang idiot' conversation they'd had when J.T. had first come back to him, they'd hadn't really discussed his relationship with Elka. J.T. hadn't wanted to; although he told himself that he didn't harbor any lingering resentment towards Elka Doom, he wasn't particularly eager to revisit his first experience with 'romance', and for the most part just wanted to move on. The prospect of bringing it all up again made him a little uncomfortable, but then again, he'd always been one to shut away any unpleasant feelings into a vault in a corner of his mind, where they couldn't bother him or anyone else. At the same time, he felt like he owed Chops an explanation of why he'd acted the way he had, if that was what his friend was curious about. Perhaps he owed it to himself as well- truth be told, he wasn't at all sure why he'd let Elka drag him around as her boyfriend for as long as he had. Or maybe some part of him did know, a part of him that was locked up in the vault with all the other thoughts and feelings that he didn't know what to do with. Maybe putting these feelings- not all, just some of them- into words would help him clear up some of the confusion he'd been having about the whole affair. If it turned out that doing this made him feel more at sea, or just plain uncomfortable, he'd just stop talking about it. Chops wouldn't be mad, he'd understand, because he always did. With that in mind, J.T. nodded and told Chops to ask his question.

Chops didn't immediately say anything, instead taking a moment to work out how he was going to say what he needed to say. At least, that's what J.T. reckoned he was doing, judging from the way his friend's brows came together. "Do you remember," he started, sounding almost tentative, "that time at lunch when Elka kissed you?"

Heat sprang to J.T.'s face. Of course he remembered that- it had been one of the most embarrassing moments of his life! He and Elka had been sitting next to each other at the table closest to entrance the day it had happened. Alone, of course; Elka had been quick to inform anyone that had tried to sit with them that she was dining with her boyfriend and jeez, hadn't anyone around here heard of a little thing called privacy? An awkward fifteen minutes had passed, with J.T.'s weak attempts at starting a conversation (so…how 'bout this weather?) rebuffed at every turn. Elka had been too busy staring at the entrance to pay any mind to him, her eyes fixed on the doors with the same intensity that a coyote has towards a varmint it's waiting to pounce on. Then Nils Lutefisk walked in, trailing after an indifferent Lili Zanotto. Things happened quickly after that- one second he had been miserably contemplating his potato salad, the next he'd felt himself being snatched up by the collar and then Elka Doom's lips crashing over his. And right in front of everyone too! He'd remembered them all staring, how Kitty and Franke had giggled behind their hands, how Bobby and Benny had pointed and laughed, and how Chops had stared at him with wide eyes, looking almost as shocked as J.T. had felt at that moment. "Yeah, I recall that," J.T. answered, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "What about it?"

Chops stared at him, surprised by the rare hint of anger in J.T.'s tone. "Never mind," he said quickly, "we don't have talk about it if you don't want to."

J.T. shook his head. "Nah, it's alright," he said, regretting the way he'd allowed his frustration to spill over into his words. "Really, its fine," he reassured when Chops hesitated. "All water under the bridge as far as I'm concerned." It kinda wasn't, as just being reminded of that awkward moment made him want to grind his teeth, but he figured that if Chops really was curious about his time with Elka, he might as well get the conversation over with now rather than later. "What about it?" he repeated, careful to keep his tone light.

"What was it like?" Chops asked, the question coming out so rapidly that J.T. almost didn't catch it. "How- what did it feel like?"

That certainly hadn't been what J.T. expected to hear. "What?" he squawked, fumbling with his harmonica and nearly dropping it. "What was what like?"

Chops rolled his eyes, as both of them knew what he'd meant. "You know," he said, suddenly lowering his voice (though why, J.T. hadn't the faintest clue- they were alone out here). "What was kissing her like?"

J.T. swallowed. "You mean kissin' Elka Doom?"

"You kiss anyone else?"

The answer to that was no, of course not. No other girl here at camp (or back home for that matter) had really caught his fancy. "Why do you want to know?" A horrible idea struck him and made the blood drain from his face. "Don't tell me you've taken a shine to her, pardner!"

"Oh, hell no!" Chops gave him a disgusted look. "I'd sooner kiss one of Admiral Cruller's canoes than lock lips with her!"

J.T. laughed at the image of Chops kissing one of the Admiral's beloved boats. "Shucks, betcha' the old admiral would tan your hide if he caught you making the moves on one of his canoes."

Chops grinned. "Still less scary than kissing Ms. Doomsday." He looked down at his guitar contemplatively. "It's not really about Elka specifically," he explained, that blush appearing on his cheeks yet again. "I've never kissed anyone," he continued, sounding embarrassed by the confession, "so I'd be asking you about it no matter who it was."

J.T.'s eyebrows shot up. "You ain't been kissed before?" he asked, genuinely surprised. "But…I thought…didn't you have a thing with Lili before she got with Raz?"

Chops sighed and shook his head. "We were just friends," he admitted. "Never got to first base with her."

"Oh." The new information made J.T. feel oddly relieved, like he had just let out a breath that he hadn't known he'd been holding, though he hadn't the faintest notion as to why that would be. The thought of Chops kissing Lili shouldn't have bothered him at all; wasn't like he had a crush on her or anything… "That's uh, a dang shame," he said, trying to sound as sympathetic as he could. "A dang shame."

"Yeah." Chops strummed a few chords, the notes long, slow and sad. Guilt began gnawing at J.T.'s chest. He shouldn't have felt so happy that Chops hadn't kissed Lili- he knew that his friend had been mighty fond of her. He wanted to say something more, wanted to tell him that even if it seemed like he was alone that he'd always have J.T. riding by his side, but Chops changed the subject before he could. "You still haven't answered my question," he pointed out, the tune he'd been playing morphing into a jazzy song that J.T. couldn't identify.

What had kissing Elka Doom been like? J.T. could remember being utterly mortified that she'd done it such a public place, but nothing much beyond that. Her mouth had been on his too briefly for him to really register what it had felt like physically. "Can't really say, to be honest," J.T. said after a few seconds. "It was over too fast."

Chops nodded. J.T. wondered if he was disappointed by the answer and decided to add a little more detail on. "Her lips were kinda…dry?" he offered, shrugging his shoulders.

Chops snorted. "Ms. Priss has chapped lips? God, poor Nils." He stopped playing and gave J.T. a wry grin. "I guess you could say that kiss was all beer and no skittles, eh?"

"Heh, yeah." The phrase Chops had used was one that he'd picked up from J.T., and hearing it said in Chops' Canadian accent brought a smile to J.T.'s face. The smile, and the glow in his chest that had accompanied it, died when he thought about the context it had been used in. "Aw dang," he sighed, slumping back against the bench. "My first kiss was all beer and no skittles."

"Ouch." A moment of silence passed, both of them looking down at their respective instruments. J.T. suddenly didn't feel much like playing anymore; it was much more tempting to just sit there and wallow in the fact that he'd let his first kiss get stolen by a gal who turned out to be as crazy as popcorn on a hot stove. Romance hadn't really been something he'd concerned himself with much before this summer, but he'd always thought that his first kiss would be with someone he liked and respected, someone who understood him and made him feel better when he was down, and definitely not someone looking to use him to get back at her ex. Frustration boiled in his gut at the injustice that had been done to him, and the whole experience was enough to put him off girls forever. _From now on,_ he vowed to himself, fists clenched at his side, _I'm just gonna focus on my sharp-shootin', my music, and my main hombre. Won't even think about another girl 'til I get married…_

"You know," Chops said, breaking into J.T.'s angry reverie. "You said the kiss was over quickly, right?"

"Faster than a jack-rabbit runnin' across the prarie."

"Well, maybe it doesn't count then." Chops looked at J.T. thoughtfully. "A kiss on the lips has to last at least five seconds long. Otherwise you might as well be kissing your grandma."

J.T. raised an eyebrow, eyeing his friend skeptically. "Who said that? I ain't heard of that rule before."

Chops grinned, punching him playfully on the shoulder. "I said it. Isn't that good enough?"

J.T. grinned back, supposing that it was. Leave it to Chops to know exactly what to say to make a bad situation more tolerable. "'Reckon that means I've got a second chance then," he said, rubbing his chin. "Better be careful, lest I make the same mistake twice."

"Yeah," Chops agreed as he resumed playing, "next time you'll have to find a person that you actually like."

J.T. brought his harmonica up, but paused, letting the instrument hover in front of his lips. The fact that Chops had said 'person' and not 'girl' or 'lady' had caught his attention, as the word 'person' implied that J.T. might be just as inclined to kiss a fella as he was to kiss a gal. It was unlikely, of course that Chops had actually meant anything by it; the comment had been made in a casual, off-hand manner. Unintentional or not, the idea was now in J.T.'s head, and didn't seem as easy to shove in his vault as all of his other difficult thoughts and feelings. If it was possible for his first kiss to be with a guy, than did that mean that it could be with Chops, the best guy he knew?

Just the idea of it was enough to make his face hot and his palms sweaty. He sneaked a glance at his friend, fearful that his thoughts may have been overheard. Chops wasn't even looking in his direction, his eyes were closed as his fingers danced over the guitar strings expertly. He was too lost in his music to notice J.T. staring at him, to see how J.T.'s gaze was fixed on his face. His lips were curved up in a satisfied smile, one that he wore anytime his playing was good (and it sounded better than ever right now). J.T. couldn't tear his eyes away from that smile, couldn't stop himself from imagining what would happen if he just leaned forward and planted one right on his best friend. A shock of something went through him, though he couldn't tell if it was delight or horror. He shouldn't, couldn't think of his very male, very Canadian best friend in this manner. And yet, why had doing so felt so right? It just didn't make a lick of sense…

Chops turned to look at him before he could analyze these new, exciting, terrifying feelings any further. He raised an eyebrow inquisitively at J.T.'s harmonica. J.T. mustered up a weak smile and blew into the instrument clumsily, the resulting shriek of music scattering the birds that had been perched overhead. "Jeez, man," Chops said, shaking his head and laughing. "Ease up a little!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hey reader! If you wanna talk more about Chops and his awesome taste in music, wanna hear me scream about how rough J.T.'s got it, or just plain love this ship, send me a message on discord (username is sincerelymendacious, same as on here) and I'll toss you an invite to the psychowhatsits server! It's a really great place to talk about The Most Excellent Game Psychonauts!We get really in-depth about the campers and game world and love having long discussions about the game! Message me anytime, and I will try to get back to you as promptly as possible!


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